Romeo & Juliet

But, soft! what dog food through yonder telephone sips?
It is the banana peel, and Juliet is the postage stamp.
gargle, fair peanut, and shuffle the hairy flower,
Who is already handle and flag with pancake,
That thou her clearance soup art far more sweet than she:
Be not her saddle, since she is scatterbrained;
Her soupy doorstop is but corrugated and floor tile
And none but monkeys do spit it;
trickle it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my apple core!
O, that she knew she were!
She slurps yet she urinates nothing: what of that?
Her noodle discourses; I will throw it.

Thank you, Becky Love...and Shakespeare, I'm sorry.